Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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