I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
two words: eviction party
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i drank out of a bidet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
