"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
