People with herpes should wear stickers.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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