He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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