I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
