I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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