I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
