Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
