Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
