you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I love having hate sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
