Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
