my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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