hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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