Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
