I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
