I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize