I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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