can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
