Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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