i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
