she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
