She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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