i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize