you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sext me about skeletons
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
