trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
this hospital has no fireball
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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