My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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