I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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