walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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