a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
false alarm, still single
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