I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
