Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
wow bdsm is so cute
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
