So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
