I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
