I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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