she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just invented taco cereal.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
