Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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