Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
