how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
