I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
