I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
