The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
