I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
