I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
