ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize