if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
