i just had sex bonerless
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
