The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
