well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
