Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
