Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
