i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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