Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I smell like Dick and happiness
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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