Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
