Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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