yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
