just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
