I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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