Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
