He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
