ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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