I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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