Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
