my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
