if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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