So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
