you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
