if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
