She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
