Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
