No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
