and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
