he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize