At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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