the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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