Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
