did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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