My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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