You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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