Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize