We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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