p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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