my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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