we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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