I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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