God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
