she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
